I Vant To Suck Your Blood… And Then Inject It Back Into Your Face

By Voxy  

Brian bought me a can of blood from Dave Eggers' pirate store thinger by wellohorld.… oh, and I want to charge you $1100 for it.

Selphyl is a new facial filler made from people! It’s people! your own blood. (Yeah, not much better than the struckthrough version, is it?) Known popularly as “Dracula Therapy,” it is the newest thing hitting dermatologists’ and plastic surgeons’ offices worldwide. I wonder if you can get a Twilight/True Blood/Buffy/Selphyl combo pack discount?

According to Selphyl.com,

“The SELPHYL™ System enables the safe and rapid preparation of autologous Platelet-rich Plasma (PRP) and an activated Platelet-rich Fibrin Matrix (PRFM)…. The SELPHYL™ System is an autologous platelet and fibrin processing system, which uses your own blood to prepare a product enabling the administration of your concentrated platelets and tissue building elements (Platelet-Rich Fibrin Matrix or PRFM)…. SELPHYL™ is designed to enable physicians to collect and process your own natural tissue building elements for administration. SELPHYL™ prepared PRFM can be applied just below the surface of the skin.”

I think they are hoping that if they throw enough acronyms at you, you will forget that what lies behind the acronyms is a procedure involving the extraction, centrifuging, and reinjection of People! stuff they just siphoned out of your own body. The website says that the procedure yields 4 cc’s of “product,” which is enough for facial contouring. After the initial swelling goes down, results may be seen as soon as 3 weeks after the procedure.

I know that we already inject our faces with botulism toxin, hydroxylapatite (found only in human bones!), collagen extracted from the skin of cows, and human fat (home-grown by you). So I don’t know why this one seems worse to me. Maybe it’s just the last straw. Also, given that the procedure is so simple (you can read the directions on their website, for heaven’s sake), I don’t quite know why it costs $1100 per shot. I mean, geez, I could get a bit over an ounce of Clé de Peau Beauté Synactif Intensive Cream for that kind of money!

Would you do it?

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/wellohorld/ / CC BY 2.0


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2 Comments

  1. avatar Wormold
    Posted November 19, 2009 at 7:19 pm | Permalink | Reply

    Sorry, but ewwwww.

      (Quote)

  2. avatar Inthelab
    Posted November 17, 2009 at 6:37 pm | Permalink | Reply

    The leftovers must be registered biohazardous waste according to my yearly required pathogens course.

      (Quote)

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