Skeptic Files: Too Faced Mood Swing Lip Gloss

By Voxy  

too faced mood swingHeh heh heh. I’ve been trying to write this post for about 20 minutes and I can’t stop chortling.

Meet Mood Swing Lip Gloss, which goes on clear and then changes color on your lips. Now that’s not so much new, since a few years ago the Smashbox folks came out with O-this and O-that (actually, I’m kind of surprised that Oprah hasn’t filed a lawsuit for Initial Letter Infringement). And frankly, this product isn’t new either; it’s just that I’m only now getting around to snarking about it. But here’s the best part! From Too Faced’s website:

“Our supernatural formulation starts off crystal clear and blossoms into countless shades of pink from cotton candy to deep fuchsia, depending on your emotional state. Are you in love, jealous, angry, happy, or hot and bothered? Your lips will tell the tale and allow you to express yourself like never before! Your moods change faster than super models change diets, now so can your lips!”

OK, let’s not even unpack all of the -ism stuff in there. There’s a lot. (And, “supernatural”???) We’ll just call it a trainwreck and go on from there. The theory of the product is that it goes on clear, determines your emotional state, and then changes color accordingly. So if you are late to a meeting, it turns “worried,” and then you get there and you find that your boss isn’t even there yet, so your lips turn “relieved,” and then you find there are donuts at the meeting, so your lips become “excited,” and then you eat too many and feel sick, so your lips take on the color of “nauseated.”

What colors are those, exactly?

I’m going to talk more about color-changing cosmetics when I do this O-roundup, which (like so many interesting blog post ideas in the lineup) must wait until after finals. For the moment, let us just say that while this product will indeed change from colorless to some shade of pink on your lips, it is not going to change colors as your mood changes. It just isn’t. Yes, these things react to body heat and pH, but only to a limited extent and they don’t change as you go through the day — and respond to your mood? What is that? Even if that did work, would it really be a good idea?

All I can say is that if it really reflects your mood, then you would not have wanted to see me wearing this during my recent Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day, the remnants of which are still popping about in my psyche. My lips would have been black. Jet black. Angry, scowling jet black. With flames. And smoke. And very, very small villagers with torches and pitchforks.

But ladies, it seems that this might be a very necessary tool for some people. A poor lost soul by the name of Megan tried this product and discovered a serious — nay, fatal — flaw. Her comment out there on the interwebz says it all:

“i love this product but how do you know what mood your in because it doesn’t tell you”

How, indeed. As Yul Brynner would say, “Is a puzzlement.”

But wait! Megan, there is a solution to your dilemma! Take the box in which the product arrived and turn it over. Yes, that was pretty sneaky of them, putting it on the back like that! Look there on the back, and if you cannot figure out your mood on your own (it is tricky sometimes, I know), then the Mysterious Too Faced Oracle will tell you! Just look at your lips and compare them to one of the six shades of pink depicted on the box. What’s that? The box is process color ink printed on glossy white cardboard, and your lips are already pigmented and you’re seeing them against the background of your skin tone, which unless you are a Sparkly Vampire is probably not ultra-white? Pish-tosh. Details. Here are your six mood choices, from lightest to darkest:

Totally Zen

Slightly Smitten

Feelin’ Frisky

Dirty Thoughts

Hot & Bothered

Bask in the Afterglow

I am not sure what happened between shades #5 and #6, but I’m sure it was very interesting. Perhaps if there were a shade #7, it would be “Craving a Cigarette.” Also, ladies, I suppose that the only moods you are allowed to have are moods about sex. Shocker.

Anyway, as with anything that first appears in Voxy’s Skeptic Files, I don’t own this product. But if you want to buy it, it’s available where Too Faced products are sold, and costs $18.50.

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