What Is With the Spring Makeup Collection Photos?

By Voxy  

All right, lookit. I’m as eager as anyone else for warmer temperatures and skies that are not the color of stainless steel, but I’m not really sure that these photos that makeup brands have put out to promote their Spring 2013 collections make me want to rush out to my local makeup counter — and isn’t that what they’re designed to do?




The 1970s called. They want this ad back. I am very tempted to Photoshop out the lippie and replace it with a cigarette.




I am sorry, but that blue-green eyeliner is just NOT ATTRACTIVE on her. It makes her eyes look tiny! Also, her brows seem to have been trimmed with a ruler and her cheek is stripey. Did someone forget their blending brush?




The 1980s called. They want THIS ad back. OK, in defense of BareMinerals, their spring line is called “Remix,” but still. Also, more bluey-green shadow and liner around the whole eye and then some!




I’m pretty sure Tyra Banks has made at least one comment on America’s Next Top Model about not sticking your fingers in front of your eye. What the hell is that hand doing there? I tried to duplicate the position and it’s awkward as hell and corresponds to no real-world action. Also, I poked myself.




Hi! I haven’t had enough to eat in three months. While Chantecaille is busy saving the sharks, if you could donate fifty cents to the Save The Models foundation, that’d be swell.




Psst… it’s spring makeup. You seem to have accidentally put in a photo from your fall line. And also I don’t think you got the memo: PINK. See the other ads for examples.




Spring 2013 promo shot, or a still from the 1987 movie Mannequin? You decide. Also, lacking in pink.


Smashbox “Love Me”

smashbox love me

Love me OR ELSE!




In this scene, a vampire has been interrupted at that critical moment right before fastening its teeth onto the neck of its victim. Which of the people in this photo is the vampire is up to you. Even odds, I think.


Laura Mercier

laura mercier

Hey, it’s Glamour Shots! At least they got the memo about pink.




So terrifying I don’t even know what to say other than “Please don’t eat me.” Oh, wait, yes I do: “Wow, that top looks uncomfortable.” This seems like it’s ripe to be used as the background for an Internet meme: “Angry Model says…” All the pink in the world cannot help this photo.


Special “Ur Doin’ It Rite” Award:

MAC Year of the Snake:

MAC Year of the Snake

Now this looks engaging. I might not have anywhere to wear a snake headdress and a skin-tight faux-snakeskin bodysuit, but this picture makes me wish I did. But for every one of those, there’s one of these:

MAC Studio Collection

MAC studio

So… I guess it’s a wash, huh?


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One Comment

  1. avatar chaosbydesign
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 6:11 pm | Permalink | Reply

    What do you mean you don’t have anywhere to wear a snake headdress and a skin-tight faux-snakeskin bodysuit? Aren’t professors always looking for ways to make their classes more engaging…?

    Or, you know, when you have to go to things you don’t really want to go to, wouldn’t you like to show up and be like: “Hey, I’m here! And look! I’m wearing a snake headdress and a skin-tight faux-snakeskin bodysuit! Sure you want me back next week?”


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