More Letters to Cosmetics Companies

By Voxy  

dior jelly lip penDear Dior:

I know that “lip crayon” is probably not the most appealing of terms, even though that’s what these products most resemble. I can understand why you might have sat ’round your Swarovsky-crystal-studded conference table and looked for a new name. I’m sure it was a long meeting that required many deliveries of lobster salad and prosecco.

But for the love of God, did you have to pick “Jelly Lip Pens”? Could you not have taken a cautionary note from the unfortunately-named Clinique “Chubby Sticks”?

One Jelly Lip Pen by itself is not problematic. Two or more, however, become Jelly Lip Pens. The more you see the name Jelly Lip Pens, the more it starts to look like something other than Jelly Lip Pens. The proximity of the words Jelly and Lip in the name of the Jelly Lip Pens does not help.

Maybe you need to see it in all caps: JELLY LIP PENS. LIP PENS. PENS. PENS. PENS.

Apparently, Jelly Lip Pens smell tropical. Jelly Lip Pens come in several colors. What is the taste of Jelly Lip Pens? Are Jelly Lip Pens hard or soft? How long will Jelly Lip Pens last? It is not necessary to use a sharpener on Jelly Lip Pens, since they have a simple twist-up mechanism.









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