Call me Voxy. Some months ago – never mind how long precisely – having a bit of mad money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me at Sephora, I thought I would cruise about a little and see other parts of the world of cosmetics. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen, and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people’s hats off – then, I account it high time to buy a lipstick as soon as I can.
(Melville is giving me the stinkeye from his grave. I can feel it.)
So, last summer, feeling a little spleenish, I was looking around for summer collection items beyond what Sephora carries. And I found, on several beauty blogs, these delectable, lipsmacking photos of Clarins Crystal Lip Balms in red, orange, and pink. They were completely translucent and looked like they were made of some kind of ice or gel. Popsicle-like. Totally drool-worthy. I searched for them for months, but to no avail — because I didn’t know they weren’t released in the US. (Duh. I am such a dork sometimes.)
But this year they are being released in the US. At last! For years weeks days I stalked the Clarins website, pacing the deck, harpoon (in the form of a credit card) in hand. At last, the white whale — which is to say, the Crystal Lip Balm collection — was sighted! And, in an utterly undramatic fashion, I bought the one in Crystal Red.
I know. Anticlimactic.
But wait there’s more! It arrived today, and it is AMAZEBALLS. From the swatches I’ve seen on UK blogs, the versions put out in previous years were pretty much completely translucent. They looked gorge in the tube but on lips translated to only the slightest hint of color. This year’s version seems to be more pigmented — there’s a solid core of pigment surrounded by a very lightly tinted translucent balm. It’s so lightly tinted it’s effectively colorless. When I swatched it on my hand I was surprised.
Then I went ahead and put it on my lips. It is fabulous. It is a totally wearable not-too-intense shade of red. I can’t really call it a balm, though — the pigment makes it feel like a lipstick when it’s on your lips. It’s not drying but I didn’t think it was particularly moisturizing either. I didn’t do a wearlength test (hence why this is really only a mini-review), but it lasted a couple of hours for sure.
I immediately went back on the website and purchased two of the other three shades: Crystal Pink and Crystal Coral. I was wondering about the fourth shade, Crystal Violet, but based on how much pigment is in the Crystal Red, I suspect it would be way too purple for me. But we’ll see.
These should be on counters shortly but they are available now from clarins.com (limited edition) for $24.50. Through 4/24 you can get free shipping with code MOM.
UPDATE! The other two colors I ordered arrived today. The pink is much less pigmented than the red and does feel more like a balm (though still not entirely); the coral is almost as pigmented as the red and it is fairly bright. It is OK for my skin tone but going much brighter than that would be a bad idea. I wore the red to school the other day, through one of my longest teaching days, and got about 3 hours’ wear out of it before I had to reapply. It stained a little bit, but less than I’d have anticipated. Still a win all around, though.
Close-up and hand swatch!

POPSICLE!

You can barely see that on either side of the red pigment there is a tiny bit of shiny balm, almost totally colorless.
Or, why I actually think you should consider spending $35 on a lip balm.
You are not seeing things. I am actually reviewing a Benefit product, in spite of my professed boycott of the brand for overly aggressive guerrilla marketing techniques. (That’s probably redundant, huh? Do there exist guerrilla marketing techniques that are “appropriately aggressive”? I doubt it.)
Things about which I am skeptical:
I know these aren’t the world’s most exciting photos to look at, but this has been a hugely exciting addition to my skincare routine, so if you want excitement and hoo-ha I suggest you wear a party hat and blow a noisemaker and throw confetti while reading this post.
All right, I know you all want to know about the Lovely Jubblies first.
In accordance with the cult status of this product, you will not be able to read this review unless you know the secret handshake, can display the secret tattoo, can say the secret password three times backwards, or have otherwise proven yourselves worthy (which is to say, you have a credit or debit card).
What? A sunscreen that Voxy actually likes? Can’t be.
I mentioned this product in the course of my woe-is-me post about heat exhaustion at graduation, but I realized I never gave it a proper review. Since there’s still quite a bit of summer left, I thought I should remedy that.
I have become so in love with the Cosmedix line of skincare over the last few weeks that I am considering running away and eloping with it. I have several products from the line but will review them one at a time so as not to overwhelm you with a 20,000-word post.